


Not As Advertised On The Tin

by tattooeddevil



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-28
Updated: 2012-10-28
Packaged: 2017-11-17 05:12:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooeddevil/pseuds/tattooeddevil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gabriel invites Castiel to a Halloween Party. That, he can do, but the costumes have him turned around on himself. Gabriel has just the solution, but not everyone is too thrilled with that. It brings unexpected results for Gabriel too. Oops!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not As Advertised On The Tin

_*flutter*_

_*flutter*_

There is something stuck in his feathers. Castiel ruffles them again to see if he could shake loose whatever it was, but he only manages to shed a few loose feathers. Whatever is in there is staying put. He has to bend into a pretzel to finally manage to get two fingertips at the edge of it and pull it out. He definitely pulled a muscle with that move.

It’s a note.

_HALLOWEEN COSTUME PARTY_

_October 30th, 8PM earth time, the Garden! Costume required, liquor and ladies provided._

_BE THERE OR BE SQUARE!_

Castiel frowns. Halloween? Costume? Liquor? Square?

_*flutter*_

“Jeez brother, learn to knock!”

Castiel nods.

“My apologies. I got your-”

Gabriel beams at him and Castiel frowns at the unprompted display of happiness.

“You got my invitation! Cool! You’re coming, right? It’s gonna be **rocking**!”

“Rocking?”

Gabriel sighs.

“Yes, rocking. Awesome? Fantastic? Cool? Off the chain? Raise the roof?”

Castiel isn’t sure what Gabriel is talking about, but if he has learned one thing about his brother over the past thousands of years, it is that agreeing with him is sometimes easier than asking for a proper explanation. It is sure to be faster. So he simply nods and Gabriel looks pleased. Castiel assumes it is enough.

“I do not understand why we should celebrate such an occasion, but I have no other plans that evening, so I am able to come to your-”

Gabriel whoops and makes a few twirls in the air. Castiel simply waits until his overexcited brother finishes with what Castiel assumes is his celebratory cheer. When Gabriel lands on his two feet Castiel holds out the note to his brother.

“What’s this costume you talk about?”

Gabriel looks at Castiel like he is a little slow and that confuses Castiel. He thinks he is very smart and quick to understand, but apparently Gabriel doesn’t agree with that assessment.

“It means you have to dress up.”

“Dress up? As what?”

Gabriel claps his hands and bounces in his spot. Castiel thinks he looks like that bunny from that movie Sam and Dean showed him once, _Bambi_ he thinks it was. The bunny’s name had been Thumper.

“You can pick your own costume! I think you’d make a great Frankenstein’s monster, or maybe Elvis!”

Castiel considers that.

“I don’t think it would be wise for me to pretend to be a monster, seeing how our fellow soldiers might confuse me for an actual monster and hunt me. As for Elvis, rhinestones do not suit me very well.”

“You could go as the hunchback of Notre Dame?”

“That will most certainly hurt my back.”

“A witch?”

“I don’t like black cats.”

“Michael Jackson?”

“Glitter is even less flattering on me than rhinestones.”

“Noah?”

“Where would I leave my boat?”

“A goat?”

“I don’t care much for grass or walking on four legs.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes and cocks a hip in annoyance.

“You take the fun out of everything, brother. Just pick something fun and show up at eight.”

Castiel thinks about that for a second.

“Define fun.”

“Aaaargh! For the love of- If you don’t go away now and agonize over this in your own damn company, I will turn you into a frog!”

Castiel cocks his head at Gabriel’s outburst, unable to place what prompted it, but he understands the meaning of it.

“Very well, till then.”

_*flutter*_

“Cas, what a pleasant surprise!”

“Hello Balthazar, it is pleasant being in your company again too. Did you receive a letter from Gabriel as well?”

Balthazar pours himself a glass of expensive scotch and gestures questioningly to Castiel with the bottle. Castiel shakes his head and waits for an answer to his question instead.

“I did. I plan on going as Hugh Hefner.”

Castiel frowns as he tries to place the name. He is sure it is something he has heard before. From Dean maybe? Yes, Dean.

“An old man in a silk robe?”

Balthazar sighs and Castiel wonders what the cause of all the sighing is today. Balthazar knocks back his drink before answering Castiel.

“No, Cas, a billionaire surrounded by beautiful women and fine scotch.”

As with Gabriel, sometimes it is easier to just agree with Balthazar and not ask.

“Right. What would be an appropriate costume for me?”

Balthazar considers him slowly, gaze raking up and down Castiel’s body until he reaches the top of his head.

“Well?”

“You could be one of my bunnies?”

Castiel frowns. He is immediately reminded of Gabriel’s earlier impression of a bunny.

“Why would an old man in a silk robe have use for bunnies?”

Balthazar sighs again before pouring himself another drink. A double this time.

“I also don’t think I would be suited to be a bunny. I don’t care much for carrots and I don’t have hind legs to thump with.”

“You know what, Cas? Go down to earth, ask around, you will find what you are looking for. Just... leave, please.”

Castiel was never one to ignore such requests even if he doesn’t know why he is being dismissed without a clear order for the next steps in his search. _Go down to earth and ask around_ didn’t sound like a solid, well thought out plan, but Castiel is going to make the best of it.

He knows just the people to ask too.

_*flutter*_

“Jesus, Cas! Learn to knock, dude!”

“Hello Dean.”

“What am I, chopped liver?”

“Hello Sam.”

“Is there a reason for your little conjugal visit or are you just giving us heart attacks for shit and giggles?”

Cas frowns.

“I am not here to have sex with you in a prison, nor do I want to give you cardiac arrests.”

Dean sighs. Castiel really needs to look into that, it is spreading.

“Then what, Cas?”

“I need assistance with an All Hallows Eve–related issue.”

Sam and Dean both raise their eyebrows in question and confusion.

“Meaning what exactly? A case?”

“I have been invited to a Halloween Party. I need a costume.”

There is a beat of silence before both Sam and Dean dissolve in a fit of giggles. Castiel has to wait patiently for them to catch their breaths, wipe the tears from their eyes and focus their attention back on him. This happens with a lot of snorts, half-started sentences that seem to all revolve around Castiel and different types of costumes, and barely suppressed smirks and grins.

“I do not see how this is funny. This is a very serious matter. If I don’t have an appropriate costume to wear to this party, I might not gain admittance. This would upset the host very much.”

When the following laughter doesn’t die down after about five minutes, Castiel decides he is wasting his time.

_*flutter*_

“No, Cas, come back!”

_*flutter*_

“Oh, don’t pout, Cas, come on. We’re sorry, okay?”

Dean really does look remorseful, but Sam is still hiding a smile behind his hand. When Castiel glares at him, he straightens his face and nods solemnly.

“Yeah, we’re sorry we laughed at you. How can we help?”

“I need a costume.”

This time, both Dean and Sam manage to keep their laughter in as they look Castiel up and down for a long moment. Dean’s face lights up when the proverbial lightbulb over his head goes off.

“You could go as Elvis!”

Castiel shakes his head.

“I already told Gabriel I don’t look good in rhinestones.”

Dean gapes at him, his mouth opening and closing wordlessly a few times.

“You don’t look good in-? Seriously?”

Sam elbows Dean and shrugs.

“It’s Cas we’re talking about, to him it’s a valid reason.”

It’s nice to have Sam understand him for a change, even if he speaks as if Castiel isn’t there himself. Dean stares at his brother before shrugging too and turning back to Castiel.

“Okay, how about a vampire? That’s a classic.”

“I don’t care for blood.”

“You-”

Sam elbows Dean again to stop him from protesting Castiel’s reasoning.

“Just go with it, dude, he’s not gonna understand why we think it’s a stupid argument.”

Castiel wonders if he should starts to feel insulted.

“Right, so no vampires. How about you go as James Dean?”

“I do not care for cigarettes.”

“Ghandi?”

“I am neither Indian nor a Buddhist.”

“Charles Manson?”

“Dean!”

“What? He’s just gonna say no anyway!”

_*flutter*_

“I think we hurt his feelings.”

Those two are not good help. Or any help at all. He’ll have to come up with something himself.

Castiel looks in the mirror of his room and thinks long and hard about what he sees and what he can do with that. He never changed out of Jimmy Novak’s clothing so he is still wearing the dark blue suit and beige trench coat that Jimmy wore every day to go to work as an ad salesman.

An ad salesman.

_*flutter*_

“Castiel, you made it!”

Gabriel hugs him excitedly and Castiel simply waits until he is done before handing Gabriel the invitation.

“I did.”

Gabriel steps back and looks Castiel up and down with a frown on his face.

“You don’t have a costume.”

Castiel grins mischievously - he learned that from Dean - and gestures to his trench coat.

“In fact, I do. This is it.”

Gabriel frowns and shakes his head.

“No, I’m pretty sure this is what you always wear.”

“I am not wearing the tie.”

Gabriel rolls his eyes and huffs impatiently.

“So what are you supposed to be **without** the tie?”

“An ad salesman on vacation!”

Castiel thinks it is very clever. Gabriel seems to think otherwise.

“That’s not a costume! That’s getting off easy!”

Castiel grins again; he is pretty sure he found the perfect way to get out of wearing inappropriate costumes and looking silly without refusing to follow Gabriel’s request.

“It is not my usual outfit and I am pretending to be something I am not. Does that not qualify as a definition of dressing up?”

Gabriel has to admit that it did.

“You can do one better though.”

That smirk never means anything good and Castiel is afraid of what Gabriel is thinking. He asks anyway, it is only common politeness.

“How?”

_*sparkle*_

“What-?”

Gabriel beams at him and bounces in his place.

“Ad sales- **woman** on vacation!”

Castiel looks down at himself in shock. There are breasts hanging from his chest and his body is suddenly a lot more curvy and slender than before. He looks back up at Gabriel with wide eyes.

“You can’t turn me into a woman!”

Gabriel puts his hands on his hips and practically vibrates with glee.

“I just did!”

“But I don’t want to be a woman!”

“I don’t care. This is my party and if I want to turn you into a woman, I will!”

Castiel had hoped Gabriel was past his childhood days by now, he is almost 4500 years old already, but apparently he is still adamant about being a child and acting like one. Castiel feels for Dean sometimes.

“In fact, if I want to change everyone into something I want, I can!”

With that, Gabriel turns to face the room and gleefully claps his hands while he randomly picks one of the guests - and his fellow brothers and soldiers - to turn into something else. Castiel hopes he won’t turn them all into women, he doesn’t think the family will be able to cope with suddenly being predominantly female.

“Balthazar! I like the robe, but you would look so much better as a bunny!”

_*sparkle*_

Before Balthazar has time to protest, Gabriel has turned him into an actual bunny. Complete with fluffy ears, long and sharp front teeth, whiskers and a puffy tail. Even in bunny form, Balthazar looks displeased. His nose wiggles wildly and he stomps his legs angrily. He hops around a few times before sprinting over to Gabriel and biting him in the ankles.

“Ouch! Balthazar!”

Balthazar stomps his legs again, clearly trying to tell Gabriel to turn him back, but Gabriel is already distracted by Anna walking past in a skintight leather Catwoman outfit. He squeales excitedly and before Anna has time to even figure out where the strange noise comes from, there is a _*sparkle*_ and Anna is scowling at Gabriel from inside her snake costume. It is bright green with shiny scales and huge, bulging eyes and is wrapped tightly around her whole body.

Like Balthazar, Anna looks angry and Castiel can sympathize. Unlike Balthazar, Anna has no room for any kind of movement. He thinks it is probably very hot inside the snake suit.

Apparently on a roll, Gabriel pays no mind to Balthazar still nibbling on his ankles and Anna dropping to the floor and rolling towards him to try and roll him over. Instead, he swirls around until he finds Lucifer standing a few feet away, talking to some friends. He is wearing a circus announcer’s outfit, complete with top hat and whip.

_*sparkle*_

“Gabriel! You can’t turn Lucifer into a monkey!”

Gabriel smirks at Castiel. There is a twinkle in his eye that scares Castiel a little.

“Oh, but I can!”

Lucifer chatters indignantly and swings himself from the curtain rail onto Gabriel’s head. He wraps his little monkey paws over Gabriel’s eyes and Gabriel squeales in shock and starts dancing around, trying to dislodge Lucifer from around his head. Balthazar is still biting at Gabriel’s ankles, hopping out of the way of his feet and Anna is hissing at them all from a few feet away. Castiel isn’t sure what to do to make it stop and it is Uriel who steps in and puts an end to the whole thing.  
“Stop! All of you!”

The entire room freezes, all eyes turn to Uriel and the pile of angels in front of him. Uriel glares at all of them, but mostly at Gabriel, Balthazar, Anna and Lucifer.

“Will you kids get up and stop squabbling already?”

The four siblings get up meekly and all mumble apologies to Uriel. Gabriel still has a smirk on his lips though, but Castiel is too late to warn Uriel.

_*sparkle*_

_*growl*_

“Oh come on Uriel, you need to lighten up! I am just trying to have some fun!”

Bear-Uriel growls again and Gabriel sighs.

_*sparkle*_

“Happy now?”

Uriel checks himself over.

“Yes. Blue is not my color. Next time, make it a green bear, it goes much better with my eyes.”

Gabriel beams.

“How about now?”

“No. You’ve done enough for one day. Turn them all back to their original forms, Gabriel. And show me the alcohol, I am in the mood for a naughty shirley temple.”

_*sparkle*_

Castiel watches his brothers and sister heave relieved sighs and throw Gabriel annoyed glares before joining Uriel at the bar to drown their sorrows. Gabriel turns to Castiel and pouts.

“Do I have to turn you back too?”

Castiel has never been able to refuse his brother anything in the face of that pout. He sighs and looks at himself again.

“I guess I can stay a woman for a little while longer if it pleases you.”

Gabriel does the bouncing and clapping thing again.

“It does, it does! Thank you!”

Castiel lifts his hands to look at them curiously. His fingers are thinner than usual and his nails are neatly manicured and cut. Gabriel has been kind enough to make his clothes fit his new body, so Castiel can see his new shape through the layers on him perfectly fine. He touches his face with his fingertips and is surprised to not find any stubble or sideburns. Instead, he has smooth, soft skin and equally soft hair. It is slightly longer than before and he can feel his elongated eyelashes too.

Castiel then moves his hands down to his chest and cups his new breasts. He has to open his trench coat and suit jacket to really feel them properly. He weighs them in his hands and jumps up and down in his spot to make them bounce and jiggle. There is a choked off sound from Gabriel and when Castiel looks up, Gabriel is staring at him with wide eyes and a blush on his cheeks.

“Is something the matter?”

Gabriel shakes his head frantically, but blushes even deeper red. Castiel frowns and tries to think of anything he did that would provoke such a reaction from his brother, but he can’t think of anything. Gabriel is still staring at him, but now his gaze is focused a few inches lower than Castiel’s face. Castiel followed Gabriel’s gaze until it lands on his hands. That are holding his new breasts.

“Gabriel?”

_*flutter*_

“Was it something I said?”

THE END


End file.
